I woke up again this morning around 4am and spent the morning troubled and in anguish. A deep sorrow permeates my soul. I have been constantly praying for the LORD to fill me to overflowing with His Holy Spirit. I continually ask for the Holy Spirit to come upon me and empower me to do all the LORD desires. I still struggle and am not at peace so I continue to pray and ask the LORD, knowing that He will hear and answer my prayers.
“Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”Mark 11:24 NKJVhttps://bible.com/bible/114/mrk.11.24.NKJV
“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!””Luke 11:13 NKJVhttps://bible.com/bible/114/luk.11.13.NKJV
In my distress and lack of rest, I decide to again listen to the Psalms as sung by the Sons of Korah. The lyrics keep playing in my spirit as I search to find the right one to listen to. I start with Psalm 34:
“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”Psalms 34:18 NKJVhttps://bible.com/bible/114/psa.34.18.NKJV
The words keep repeating in my soul: a broken spirit and a contrite heart. I realize that is what I am feeling and the Holy Spirit is making intercession on my behalf. I grieve over my sins and constantly confess them to the LORD and ask for forgiveness, but I have been missing something. I go on to listen to Psalm 51, not realizing that it is the key and what I am missing, but the Holy Spirit is leading and directing me. As I listen to the lyrics of Psalm 51 over and over, I agree with the words that David wrote:
“Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight— That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.”Psalms 51:1-4, 7 NKJVhttps://bible.com/bible/114/psa.51.1-7.NKJV
I also realize that for days on end I have been praying 10-12:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.”Psalms 51:10-12 NKJVhttps://bible.com/bible/114/psa.51.10-12.NKJV
I take a break from listening and open Facebook and see a post in a Remnant Christian group by a dear sister in Christ who is being persecuted terribly in the U.K. As I read her words, something she wrote is illuminated by the Holy Spirit: she has been fasting and praying “with repentance and tears a long time” and then it happened, she was baptized (empowered) in the Holy Spirit and her “besetting sin was gone.” I let that sink in. I realized exactly what the Holy Spirit was helping me understand. He wanted me to specifically pray and ask the LORD, according to His righteousness, lovingkindness and tender mercy, to ask for Him to cleanse me from my own besetting sin in order that I can be filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit and for Him to come upon me in power for the work of service set before me.
I again acknowledge and agree with the LORD that what He is showing me it is right and that I understand that is what He wants for me. I then look up the meaning of besetting as defined by Wordnik:
- Constantly troubling or attacking.
- Habitually attacking, harassing, or pressing upon or about.
Then I look up the verse where we get the concept of besetting sin from:
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,”Hebrews 12:1 KJVhttps://bible.com/bible/1/heb.12.1.KJV
Then I ask the question: How do we lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily besets us? And the Holy Spirit directs me back to Psalm 51 and adds 1 John:
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”I John 1:9 NKJVhttps://bible.com/bible/114/1jn.1.9.NKJV
The entire process is laid out in Psalm 51 by the Holy Spirit as written down by David.
WHEN we truly desire for God’s will to be done in us, for Him to search our inward parts and make known to us the sin that is hindering us, then agree with Him and acknowledge it, and realize that ONLY HE can cleanse us from it and deliver us from it, and that He WANTS to…
THEN we can approach Him in prayer according to His lovingkindness and tender mercies and plead with Him by the blood of Jesus Christ to:
- Blot out our transgressions
- Wash us thoroughly from our iniquity
- Cleanse us from our sin
- Purge us with hyssop and we will be clean
- Wash us and we will be whiter than snow
- Blot out our iniquities
- Create in us clean hearts
- Restore to us the joy of His salvation
- Uphold us by His generous Spirit
WHEN He has answered and done it, THEN:
- We will teach transgressors (other like us) His ways
- Sinner will be converted to Him
- We will sing aloud of His righteousness
- Our mouths will speak His praise